This past week we started Lo in a daycare for the first time EVER. To say I was a tad emotional would be the understatement of the year (good thing it’s still January!) I have to admit that choosing a daycare was no easy task. We searched and searched and nothing ever looked good enough (although I am not sure anything ever is truly good enough for our children.) We always want what’s best for them and we always hope that there is something more we can offer.
The first day was pretty catastrophic. I mean I only cried before putting my makeup on, walking her in to meet the teachers, giving her a hug goodbye, and for another 20 minutes in my car (I wont mention the 3 other times throughout the day I had to go to the bathroom.) It’s totally hard leaving your baby with strangers, no matter how accredited they may be. I missed her before I even left the place. I am actually pretty proud of myself though, I only called them 3 times to check on her that first day.
Lo, on the other hand, could have cared less. The second day I took her she couldn’t push off of me fast enough, running wildly to her new pals with the biggest grin on her face. I think my heart fell out of my butt at that moment. I didn’t know whether to rejoice in how much she loved this place or curl up in a ball and cry because she didn’t need me (Ok, I did both.)
That same day I came in to pick her up and I peaked through the window of her classroom. She was coloring a sun (I was impressed, she never has been interested in crafts, unless you count eating the crayons.) I tip-toed in and she turned and saw me. She instantly grew her smile 10X in that moment. I have never seen her run faster. (Honestly, she knocked down 3 kids trying to get to me, this kid should be a linebacker.)
I am sure I will still cry next week, so I will keep the tissue box in my car. But I think this week was one of the hardest/best weeks of our time together. I was able to see my little Lo grow in so many ways. I was able to see myself grow as well. Best of all, I was able to see our bond grow to that next stage of trust.
Now all I have to do is keep repeating “breath, don’t cry, every time I drop her off.”