HOW TO GET OUT OF A TICKET -PARENT EDITION.

The first time I remember being pulled over by a police officer for speeding was when I was about 8 years old. My nana was driving my cousin and me around and she was speeding just enough to get some attention (I can only imagine why she was speeding, my cousin and I were hell as children, I guess maybe we still are.) I still can picture the police officer walking up to her door as she rolled down not only her window but also the back windows. As usual, we were fighting about something ridiculous. The officer gave us one look and let poor nana on her way. It was at that moment that I realized you can get away with anything if you play your cards right.

Over the years, I watched my dad do the same thing. Although, instead of playing the “I literally might die if I have to hear this child scream one more time card” he played the “let me roll down my window so you can see my adorable sleeping child and if you wake her up I will punch you in the face card.” And it worked. Every single time.

This was a wonderful lesson to learn as a kid because it made me realize that if you show the police the honest truth then you are most likely getting away with a warning. So I do just that.

I got pulled over once while I was pregnant and I played the “I am so sorry officer, I just have to pee really really bad because I have a watermelon sitting on my bladder card.” Since he was a male officer it was a pretty easy win considering he didn’t want anything to do with my  fat tummy and bladder issues.

Recently, I went on a short trip with my hubby for the weekend. I am still nursing (somewhat) and completely forgot to bring my pump. I was only gone 72 hours and I thought I might die from my boobs exploding (surely that’s a thing, right?)  Anyway I am driving to my parent’s house to pick up Lo (an extra two hours) and speeding, of course, because I needed my child to do her job ASAP. Well, of course, I get pulled over. I decided again, to be brutally honest with the officer. So I said, ” Officer, I am sorry for speeding but I have been gone all weekend and I still breastfeed and I forgot my pump and…” He stopped me, apologized for the inconvenience, and informed me his wife had the same issue a few months ago and let me on my merry way.

It’s funny how the truth can set you free (literally, in my case.)

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