In all my time as a mother (almost 13 months) I have learned a lot of valuable lessons. Some of which you hear countless amounts of times from others who have been in your shoes and some of which I have learned on my own. But above ALL the lessons that I have learned, I truly believe that there is one lesson that is the top dog of all lessons. I wish this was one of those lessons that people pass on to you rather than finding out on your own. Maybe, people assume I am smarter and I should just have seen this coming?
By now, you are probably wondering what the hell I am talking about. Well, i’ll tell you for the sake of passing on a lesson, while I revel in my embarrassment. Here goes..
DO NOT DRINK COFFEE WHILE IN AN UNFAMILIAR AREA
Now you’re probably thinking, “Seriously, That’s it?” It doesn’t exactly seem life altering does it? At least not until you are put in this situation. Which I was, not too long ago.
You see, I don’t drink coffee too often and when I do it really works my system and by that I mean my bowels, and by that I mean I ALWAYS have to take a poop within moments of drinking a coffee. I know that a lot of people experience this. I know a lot of people that drink coffee so that they can poop…anyway
One day I decided I needed a large coffee from the shop down the street. It had been awhile since i’d had a coffee and I wanted to try the new shop. I ordered the large because I wanted the taste to last longer, little did I know that the large was 6 espresso shots (SHIT!- like literally.) I began to stroll around to a new park down the road. This park had many trails that led in all different directions. After about 3o minutes of getting lost, I realized I couldn’t control myself for much longer and began to ponder my options.
Option 1- Into the woods I go? But I have Lo so I can’t leave her on the sidewalk alone. So, no.
Option 2- Hold up my nursing towel and hope that no one is walking by and put some of Lo’s wipes to good use. But a lot of people are running past. So, no.
Option 3- Poop your pants. So, no.
After realizing none of my options were preferred I just started running. In any direction that looked like it might lead to some civilization. After about a 100 yard dash I ran into a new playground being built. YES! Construction. You know what that means? A portable toilet is waiting for me and all I can think about is how glorious this sounds.
So, although this may not be the craziest lesson you’ve ever learned, just keep it in mind for those times when you go on new adventures with your trusty sidekick-coffee.