Oh, shit.

I cannot tell you how many times I have said the word shit today.

Shit #1: It all started around 4:40 a.m. My daughter woke up whimpering. I went into her room to pick her up and she’s soaked. Her diaper somehow managed to get around her leg. (For any of you non-parent-types that’s not where it’s supposed to go.)

I began to turn on the light but after a 30-second search party, I decided I would change her diaper in the dark. I do not recommend this. I unzip her nighty and go in for the diaper. SHIT!..my hand smashes into some shit.

Lovely.

Shit #2: I walked out of my daughter’s bathroom, after cleaning off my hands for what felt like an hour since I was still half asleep. I head back to my room, rubbing my eyes and that’s when it happened. SHIT! Damn cat has some sort of revenge plan on me for choosing the baby over her. I try to jump to my bathroom but in the process, I splatter more shit on the carpet.

Lovely.

Shit #3: After a long night of cleaning shit. I get up and let the dog outside. He runs back in and jumps on my lap to snuggle up. I get comfy before the baby wakes up and then it hits me. SHIT! My dog had shit stuck to his ass which is now attached to my hand.

Lovely.

I don’t even want to mention that my dog barfed during dinner. Am I that repulsive to be around? He doesn’t really seem to give a shit.

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